Do You Really Need More Willpower?

Find out what's actually necessary for a healthier life.

What is Willpower?

When you think about willpower, determination, drive, and a strong resolve to get things done may come to mind.

Experts who study willpower often describe it as the ability to delay instant gratification to meet long term goals, like forgoing dessert to drop a few pounds or exercising when you’d rather watch TV after a long day.

It may seem like willpower comes naturally to certain people, and that may be true. But what you think is willpower is often something else entirely.

Willpower and Perimenopause

It’s another new year and thoughts turn to changing your habits for the better. But making drastic resolutions – and a lot of them – during perimenopause can leave you feeling like a failure.

Vowing to adhere to a 1,200-calorie diet (which I don’t recommend, by the way) and going to the gym five times weekly while juggling hot flashes, poor sleep, mood swings, and other perimenopausal symptoms is a lot to ask. When you “fail” to meet your own exceedingly high standards, you may berate yourself for having little control over your actions.  

Social media can reinforce negative feelings about your so-called lack of discipline. Many 20- and 30-something influencers who target midlife women can give you the impression that if you just had more inner resolve, you could easily have the body you desire.

Little do they know that midlife women have more willpower and inner strength than anyone realizes.

Stop Underestimating Your Willpower

Consider that willpower is often described as the ability to override unwanted thoughts, emotions, or impulses. Now think about how many times you do that every day. 

Willpower is what gets you out of a warm bed to get ready for work when you’d rather sleep in. It’s what motivates you to make nutritious meals for your family when all you want to do is eat a bag of microwave popcorn on the couch. Your inner strength is why you suppress snide remarks, why you clean the house when you’d rather read a book, and why you don’t unleash your perimenopause rage when your partner snores.

You are stronger than you think, but everything, including willpower has its limits, and midlife sorely tests a woman’s reserves.

Daily Life Drains Your Willpower

There’s only so much self-control to go around, and your desire to make better choices can easily crumble when you’re feeling overwhelmed by daily life.

Hunger draws down willpower. Humans are hardwired to eat and starving yourself on a low calorie diet works against, not with, willpower. A PLoS One study suggests that providing adequate glucose – a.k.a. eating on a regular basis - to brain cells can support the ability to make the choices you value.

Perimenopause is a time of tremendous change, and constantly suppressing your feelings about what’s happening to you in midlife can also affect willpower. A study published in Cognitive Development 22 found that when people were asked to control their emotions, they had less self-discipline when asked to complete a task.

Chronic stress limits your ability to override temptation because it’s incompatible with willpower. When the body is stressed, it senses that it must remove itself from a dangerous situation. In response, blood glucose levels rise to provide the energy to move quickly, with the goal of getting away from danger. This is the opposite of self-control, which requires keeping longterm goals in focus.

Lack of sleep impairs how your brain uses energy, making it more difficult to choose wisely when you’re awake. It also increases levels of grehlin, a hormone that triggers hunger. High levels of grehlin can work against healthier eating choices.

Photo by Danielle Cerullo on Unsplash

How to Support Willpower

So how are midlife women supposed to have the capacity to refuse delicious comfort food or resist the urge to sit on the couch instead of going out for a walk or heading to the gym?

Willpower doesn’t always come naturally, but it is possible to shore up your inner strength. Here are some strategies to try.

Stay satisfied. Eat on a regular basis throughout the day and don’t allow yourself to get overly hungry. The brain needs a constant flow of energy to support self-control which is part of the reason why low calorie fad diets fail. A balanced, enjoyable eating plan with slightly fewer calories than you need (if weight loss is desired) is an absolute must for feeling satisfied, which can help you make better choices.

Challenge yourself earlier in the day. Some experts believe that willpower wears down as the day goes on, making it harder to skip the gym or easier to order take out instead of preparing a quick, healthy meal for dinner. Exercise in the morning or at noontime, if possible, and have the ingredients on hand to make simple meals for dinner.

Schedule mini-breaks. Mental overstimulation is stressful. My friend Cheryl Gordon recently taught me how to take a three-minute break by closing my eyes, breathing deeply, and checking in with how I was feeling. It slowed me down and improved my focus.

Look ahead. Balanced meals and snacks don’t prepare themselves. Figure out what you’re going to eat for the days ahead and shop for the ingredients. Take nutritious meals and snacks with you to work and in the car to reduce temptation.

Schedule regular exercise to make working out a decision rather than a vague idea. Also, choose exercise that you enjoy, not the type you think you should do.

Go low and start slow. The Cognitive Development 22 study that I mentioned earlier concluded that when you overwhelm the brain by setting too many goals requiring self-control, you’ll probably fail.

Pick one or two simple goals at a time and work on them until they feel natural. For example, instead of going from not exercising at all to aiming for five times a week in the gym, walk for 10 to 20 minutes a day and work your way up to what feels doable.

Celebrate small wins. According to life coach Lisa Murphy, acknowledging the positive offsets the negative. She says that we get so hung up on what we don’t do that we forget to celebrate what gets done. For example, a 15-minute walk is better than the 1-hour exercise class you didn’t do because at least you did something. Don’t get down on yourself for being less than perfect all the time. Perfection is the enemy of good.

Reduce temptation.  Food is everywhere and the temptation to eat can be constant, putting an even greater demand on willpower. You can’t control the environment, but you can control what goes on in your own home. 

There’s no need to test your self-control by keeping tempting foods in the house. For example, if you tend to snack on sweets after dinner, and you absolutely cannot resist ice cream when you’re tired, don’t pit your low resolve against a pint of Ben & Jerry’s at 9 PM. It’s not that you can’t have the ice cream, but if you really want it, work for it. Get into the car and go to the store to buy some.

Try to sleep better. I know, I know. Sleep can be illusive in midlife, especially when you’re dealing with night sweats or anxiety that disrupt your slumber. It’s harder to make better eating decisions and resist skipping exercise when you’re tired, so do everything possible to get seven to eight hours of shut-eye every night. Do your best to create a calm sleep environment. Resist screen time for an hour or so before bed, and go to sleep at the same time and wake up at the same time daily.

Limit or avoid alcohol. Alcohol can lead you to throw caution to the wind and make it harder to stick with your resolve. Limit yourself to one drink a day, if any, and try to keep that to weekends only. When you’re in a restaurant, start with a non-alcoholic beverage and wait until the food arrives to order one glass of wine, beer, or a single cocktail.

What questions or thoughts do you have about willpower? Let me know in the comments!