How the Willpower Myth Holds You Back
Does it really take more willpower to make lifestyle changes?
What is Willpower?
Nobody knows exactly what willpower is, but when you think about it, determination, drive, and resolve may come to mind. Experts who study willpower often describe it as the ability to delay instant gratification in order to meet long term goals as in forgoing dessert to drop a few pounds. We may not have a solid definition of willpower, but when you’re struggling to change your eating and exercise habits for the better, it seems like there’s never enough of it to go around.
It’s OK to want to lose weight, feel more energized, and reduce your risk for overweight, type 2 diabetes, and heart disease by eating nutritious foods and working out on a regular basis. But making drastic resolutions – and a lot of them – during midlife can be a recipe for feeling like a failure. You may already be dealing with hot flashes, poor sleep, mood swings, and other perimenopausal symptoms. So, when you don’t make it to the gym five times weekly, follow a 1,200-calorie diet, or totally avoid your favorite foods, you’ll probably berate yourself for having “no control” rather than blame the high standards you’ve set for yourself.
Social media can reinforce negative feelings about your so-called lack of discipline. Many influencers targeting midlife women can give you the idea that if you just had more willpower, and ate and exercised like them, you could have the body - or life - that you desire. In other words, you just need to try harder to get what you want.
Here’s the reality. Midlife women have more willpower and self-control than they realize, given all that they juggle on a daily basis. Consider this: willpower is often described as the ability to override unwanted thoughts, emotions, or impulses. Just think about how many times you do that every single day. Willpower is what gets you out of bed when you’d rather sleep in. It’s what motivates you to make nutritious meals for your family on nights when you’d rather eat a bag of microwave popcorn or a bowl of cereal and sit on the couch. Your inner strength is why you suppress a snide remark, and it’s why you clean the house when you’d rather read a book.
How Life Drains Willpower
Willpower is finite, and midlife sorely tests a woman’s reserves. You only have so much self-control to go around, and your resolve to make better choices can easily crumble when you’re feeling overwhelmed by all that is going on in your life.
Practicing self-control actually depletes it, making it more difficult to withstand the next challenge or temptation that comes along. A study published in Cognitive Development 22 found that when people were asked to suppress, or control, their emotions, they had less self-discipline when asked to complete the next task. Fatigue and hunger draw down willpower, too. Humans are hardwired to eat. Plus, we are constantly surrounded by food and prompted to consume fatty, salty, and sugary snacks, whether or not we’re hungry.
How to Support Willpower
So how are midlife women supposed to have the capacity to refuse delicious comfort food or resist the urge to sit on the couch after an exhausting day instead of going out for a walk? It’s not easy, but you’re not doomed, either.
It may seem like willpower comes naturally to other people, but that’s not always the case. What you think is willpower is often planning and preparation that helps them stick to their plan for most of the time.
Here are several ways to shore up your inner strength:
Start small. Women are always being told that they can do hard things. Yes, we can do hard things and we do them every day. But we can’t do everything all at once. The Cognitive Development 22 study that I mentioned earlier concluded that when you overwhelm the brain by setting too many goals requiring self-control, you’ll probably fail. Instead, pick one or two simple goals at a time and work on them until they feel natural. For example, instead of going from not exercising to aiming for five times a week in the gym, walk for 20 to 30 minutes on most days and work your way up to what feels doable.
Write it down. People who put their intentions into words are significantly more likely to achieve them than are those who just think in the abstract about what they want to do. You’ll feel good when you accomplish each goal, and your success may help boost your resolve to do more.
Stay satisfied. A balanced, enjoyable eating plan with slightly fewer calories than you need (if weight loss is desired) is an absolute must for feeling satisfied which can help you make better choices. Eat on a regular basis throughout the day and don’t allow yourself to get overly hungry because the brain needs a constant flow of energy to support self-control. A PLoS study showed that providing adequate glucose – a.k.a. eating on a regular basis - to brain cells can support the ability to make the choices you value.
Make a plan. Balanced meals and snacks don’t prepare themselves. Figure out what you’re going to eat for a week’s time and shop for the ingredients. Take nutritious meals and snacks with you to reduce temptation. Schedule regular exercise to make working out a decision rather than a vague idea. Also, choose exercise that you enjoy, not the type you think you should do.
Don’t tempt yourself. Food is everywhere and the temptation can be constant, putting an even greater demand on your resolve. You can’t control the environment, but you can control what goes on in your own home. There’s no need to test your resolve by keeping tempting foods in the house. For example, if you tend to snack on sweets after dinner, and you absolutely cannot resist ice cream when you’re tired, don’t pit your willpower against a pint of Ben & Jerry’s at 9 PM. It’s not that you can’t have the ice cream, but if you really want it, get into the car and go buy some.
Get enough sleep. It’s harder to make better decisions and resist skipping exercise when you’re tired. Do everything possible to get seven to eight hours of shut-eye every night. Go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time daily.
Limit or totally avoid alcohol. Alcohol can lead you to throw caution to the wind and make it harder to stick with your resolve. Limit yourself to one drink a day, if any, and try to keep that to weekends only. When you’re in a restaurant, start with a non-alcoholic beverage and wait until the food arrives to order one glass of wine, beer, or a single cocktail.
What questions or thoughts do you have about willpower? Let me know in the comments!