Why I Detest December

Is it just me or do you feel the same?

December is supposed to be a month full of fun, the most wonderful time of the year, and a season of light, but that’s not always the case for perimenopausal women who juggle extra holiday duties with hot flashes, mood swings, and sleep deprivation. I was one of those women, and, though I’m past menopause, I still dread December. It’s one of the darkest months and not just because the sun sets at 4 PM where I live.

As if a lack of sunlight wasn’t enough, the added stress of shopping, cleaning, cooking, and decorating can easily drain the joy you’re supposed to feel during the holidays. Women are more prone to mood disorders at midlife, and December gloom can make us feel worse. Darker days may contribute to seasonal affective disorder, possibly to the point of depression. Every year, I try to steel myself for the darkness of December, but it never works. Instead, I spend my time pining for the “shortest” day of the year so that I can count the extra minutes of sunlight every day after that in anticipation of spring.

Caring for my mother for three years during perimenopause didn’t help my December mood any. (I wrote about caregiving on menopause here.) Being responsible for a loved one is not easy on a good day, never mind when you’re constantly thinking about how you’re going to manage work, run the household, host the family Christmas party, and buy and wrap gifts (including my mother’s presents to my three kids). I’m not sure whether December made my hot flashes worse, but there is nine years of data from the Study of Women’s Health Across the Nation that revealed women who were upset by stressful events had 21% more hot flashes than those who had not experienced stress.

When my mom was still alive, and I was in perimenopause, my social battery was running on low. I became more choosy about going out and participating in gift and cooking swaps, and it really helped conserve my energy. It’s OK to decline holiday activities that drain you, even when they involve loved ones. “No” is a complete sentence that doesn’t require an explanation.

I’m not very good at delegating responsibility, but accepting help from my family reduced my stress level during perimenopause, and it still does. I’ve found that giving away tasks from my to-do list helps me to feel less overwhelmed by the holiday season. When I was really busy with my mom, one of my daughters sent out holiday cards for me and the others stepped up to do the holiday baking, put up the Christmas tree, and decorate the house, which they still help with now, bless their hearts. Letting go is helpful, particularly when you’re dealing with perimenopausal symptoms.

Try as a I might, I can’t completely escape the drudgery of December, but I’m getting better at it. Has perimenopause changed how you deal with the holidays? Let me know! And happy holidays!